Bouncing Back

The only way I can deal with everything is to have no emotions. I can't be truly happy because I can't let myself be sad. I can't be sad because I'm going to have a break down. I can't have a break down because you two are just not worth it.

What kills me the most is that I'm learning and appreciating the fact that there is clear right or wrong in any situation. It's all varying shades of grey, depending whose shoes you are in.

You feel like he's going to be the one for you, or at least good enough to throw a friendship away, I mean you didn't expect me to be OK with it did you? If your happiness truly lies with him, how can I be upset? Clearly him and I were not working anymore, and we dragged it on for so damn long because... well, I'm not even sure why. How can I hate you for going out and getting your own happiness, which everyone deserves? I can't stand the fact that you didn't tell me though. And you weren't "hiding it", or "waiting for a good time" to tell me. You just didn't have the respect to tell me. OK, so put aside the fact that you are dating my ex-boyfriend, and have been since him and I broke up, you couldn't even show me the respect to tell me yourself. Instead you two went out and flaunted the relationship to all my friends. Not mutual friends. My friends. I'm not even sure how I feel about that. I will tell you this though. Beware of karma. Everything comes back around, and people get what they deserve.

You. How could you betray me like that. How could you date my friend? I guess you have no ethics. I should have known. If you could be a girls "man on the side" for six months, jump out a window, break your ankle for her, how would you see anything wrong with this situation. Not only are you a child, completely inept in life, but you are pathetic as well. I guess it means nothing to you now, but do you remember the promise I made you make to me? No matter what, if you lose feelings, you will end things with me. No dragging on. But you didn't have the balls too. You just waited around for me to break up with you, because you're spineless. In the words of Tony Montana..." A man only has two things. His word and his balls."... since you have neither, I'll assume that you are nothing but a man-child. Correct assumption. BTW: you think by telling me that you are her fucked all over the couchs and bed is really going to disturb me? Please remember whose furniture it was... oh. Mine! Not 'Ours', but mine. I bought it, with MY money, before you existed. Just imagine all the guys I fucked on them before that. Hehe. :) And you are so lucky I didn't take back the shoes you were wearing too.

Hope you two are very, very happy together. You guys deserve each other :)

goodbye my friend

i felt you slipping away, further and further away from me. but i didn't know how to stop it, didn't know how to reverse it. everything i said was nagging, everything i did was annoying. i don't understand how we could go from so happy. where and when did it all change? what about me gets under your skin so badly now that didn't before? when did the dynamic change? the only constant in everything is me. there must be something wrong with me. i'm so void of emotions - i have no more passion. i feel like a used up shell of what i used to be. of who i used to be. i'm just lost...

how do i be a better person? how do i change my personality when i'm so scared to open up to anyone? how do i get back to that glowing girl i used to be, who wasn't scared to just talk, laugh, and have fun? i can't complain anymore. i need to break out of the shell that i've been forcing myself into... i wish i could change the way i am, i wish i could be a better person, more interesting, more talented and glowing.. i'm just fading away into the background...